That is exactly what I ended up feeling today, mom guilt. But before I get to that, let’s start with breakfast.
In the mix:
- 1/2 cup oatmeal
- 1/2 cup water
- 1/2 cup almond milk
- 1/2 banana
- 1/2 cup Dates
- 1 spoonful peanut butter
- Drizzle of maple syrup
This was very good and filling. Of course it wasn’t quite sweet enough for me, yes I love my sweets and I seem to do better during the day if I get my sweet tooth taken care of first thing in the morning.
Now on to the mom guilt. As you know school is out for the summer. Which makes the kiddos very, very happy.
About 9:00 today it hit me, the Mom Guilt. This wasn’t just a little guilt this was the full on heavy heart, make me cry and want to go in and quit my job right then and there. I don’t know what came over me but I was ready to come home and spend the summer with the kiddos. This is the first year that we are leaving them home alone for the summer, normally my sister has watched them the lawst 2 summers but with her doing her internship and working at the local grocery store, she is not here that much. So my boss was gone today from work and all I could think about was that I could be home with the kiddos. I feel terrible that they are at home. They can’t go play with any friends because I don’t want them running around town without some supervision (I know, paranoia right?) So I just felt like I should be at home just to make sure that they are okay even though I know they are fine it just killed me today thinking about them being home. I do have things planned for them to do.
Not really a plan, it is more of a list of things that they should do. Granted it has eat breakfast, brush teeth, make bed – the normal morning routine of what everyone does when they get up in the morning but I also have chores for them to do i.e. clean the bathrooms, scrub floors, etc. I only do this so that when I get home at night I can spend time with them instead of doing those chores. Is that wrong as a mother? I feel guilty for making them do these chores but also I feel guilty at night if I am doing the chores and not spending time with them.
I don’t know if I feel guilty because my oldest is 12 and he will enter junior high next year. When did this happen? I know everyone says that the time will just fly by when they are younger but it is so, so true. So I got to thinking today, did I spend enough time with them when they were younger, are they going to be mad at me because I worked during the summer instead of being home with them? Granted we need my income, we are a 2 income household so the option of me quitting and staying home with them is out of the question. I just wish I could stay home. So I did come home at noon today to make sure that they were okay (and to ease my feelings that they can get along without me). This was a huge mistake, first of all I asked them if they wanted me to stay home with them and they told me no. No? Really? You wouldn’t be happier if I was home with you? Nope, we get along just fine without you. Nothing like taking the guilt and twisting it into my heart a little further. I know they are fine at home and I know they think I am a good mom but in my heart I so, so question it. Don’t get me wrong, I love my job but unfortunately I work for an attorney and the option of working from home just is not in the cards. Even though when I am at work (especially lately) I wish I was at home with my kids.
Now that I’ve gone on with my sadness (which seems absolutely silly now that I’ve typed it out) I must move on.
So when I went back to work someone didn’t want me to leave. She wanted me to stay with her.